36 questions to love


zly0fp0p7hlfhoarjdizLast Sunday, in the New York Times, the column Modern Love addressed the issue of falling in love. Is it something that happens to us, or something we choose? I want to write about this, because  the topic captured my interest, and apparently, many other’s as well.

I’ve made clear in previous posts, that I believe love is a choice. And I write from the context of people already in my life, who sometimes challenge my willingness to love them completely. In this sense, love for me, is a choice. I choose love, despite the discomfort and the unknown.


But how does love happen? One aspect of falling in love involves developing interpersonal closeness by revealing deeper and generally less apparent parts of ourselves. This is also known as intimacy. When we feel safe revealing our true self, and that true self is met with compassion and reciprocal revelations (meaning the other person shares their shit too), intimacy and trust can develop.

Psychologist Arthur Aron wanted to know if two strangers could generate interpersonal closeness by answering 36 questions, each designed to reveal more and more about the participant’s innermost feelings. The interest in these questions has been so great, that there is now an app, complete with the 36 questions and directions for conducting your own experiment.

Do you think it’s possible for two strangers to fall in love after answering 36 questions? How much intimacy is there in your own close relationships? Would you be interested in answering the 36 questions with your current or long term partner? I know I am.


I would enjoy hearing about any experimenting you do with the 36 questions. Comment below or shoot me an email.

Peace, friends.